Loving Others: A Guilt-Ridden Proposition
"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." (Romans 12:10)
Why does something so beautiful feel so hard?
Paul's command here seems simple enough. Love each other. Put others first. Yet if we're honest, this verse can leave us feeling more condemned than encouraged. We might read it and think of yesterday's irritation with our spouse, last week's gossip about a coworker, or just being irritated by someone’s personality..
The Greek word Paul uses for "devoted" is the tender affection found in close family relationships. He's not asking for polite civility. He wants the kind of love that runs deep, that sacrifices, that genuinely prefers another's good over our own comfort. And to consider others more valuable and more worthy of respect and care.
This is where the guilt kicks in. Because we know we don't naturally think this way. True selflessness can feel foreign.
And then we think about how Jesus loved the disciples on the night before his crucifixion. He washed their feet - a slave's job - knowing Peter would deny him and the others would abandon him (John 13:1-17). No scorekeeping. No conditions. Just love poured out for people who would fail him big-time within hours. This was sacrifice and the selflessness that would secure our redemption.
This can seem impossible, right? And it is, in our own strength. But here's what we often miss: Paul isn't giving us a to-do list to earn God's favor. He's describing what God's love can looks like when it flows through changed hearts. Romans 12:1 starts this whole section by reminding us that we offer ourselves to God "in view of His mercy." Our love for others springs from God's prior love for us. It's grace that transforms us, not duty that drives us.
Our guilt reveals our tendency to turn grace into law. We see "love others" and think "perform better." But Paul has spent eleven chapters explaining that we're already accepted, already beloved, already secure in Jesus through his redemption. Now he's showing us what freedom looks like.
When you catch yourself being selfish or judgmental, don't spiral into condemnation. Instead, remember that your identity isn't tied to your performance in relationships. The perfect love of Jesus has already covered your imperfect love. His faithfulness never wavers, even when ours does. This frees you to love without keeping score, to serve without calculating the return, to honor others even when they don't deserve it.
Repentance becomes a gift, not a burden, when we see our failures through the lens of grace. We can acknowledge our selfishness because we know forgiveness is already ours. We can pursue unity because Christ has already reconciled us to God.
Your love doesn't have to be perfect to be real. The love of Jesus for you already is perfect, and that's what makes difficult love possible.
Remember: You're not called to love others to prove your worth to God, but because your worth in God eyes makes love possible. Your failures in love don't disqualify you from his grace - they remind you why you need it. His faithfulness sustains the unity he calls us to live in.
God, You love me with a fierce and faithful love, showing perfect faithfulness even though I am weak. Forgive me for judging or withholding affection from others, and grant me true repentance for my selfishness. Thank You for the grace and redemption that meet me in my failures and transform my heart. Grow my heart toward selflessness and sacrifice, that I might honor my brothers and sisters the way Jesus honors me. In Jesus name we pray.
Song: Bless the Lord